Saturday, August 16, 2008

I'm Awake, So I Write

I had a doctors appointment today to get the results of some blood work. (I am going somewhere with this) The girls in the office know that Hannah is leaving for college next week and asked about her. I didn't feel great first of all, then I was worried about my blood work and I was hormonal, still am. So, I proceed to tear up. Great, big baby!

Then the PA I see came in and I stated "I'm Fine", with my tissue in hand. She is thinking, "nut case". I told her that with homeschooling I am not away from the kids to have time to fall apart and I can't do it while I'm driving; I may kill someone. So, I came to their office to have a good cry. They were all sweet and understanding; several having experienced their first born leaving home.

Then tonight I read an article about Steven Curtis Chapman and the loss of their youngest child. I, of course, knew the story; but this had an interview with the family. I was in tears. Like them, we are a christian family; unlike them, we have not experienced this type of loss. I was just blown away by their deep faith and love of each other. And it gave me perspective and a reality check. My child is going away to college. They will not see their child again this side of eternity. I have been blessed to see my child grow into a young woman. Their child died at 5 years old.

Do I think God is unfair? Never. Do I understand something like this? No. Do I believe that Maria Sue is in heaven? Yes. As in Matthew 5, for he makes his sun rise on the evil and on the good, and sends rain on the just and on the unjust.

I am so thankful when God steps in and pulls me up out of the
pit of self-pity! He turns my head and changes my perspective.

Oh, and all my blood work was fine.

"Prayer is the single most significant thing that will help turn inner turmoil into peace."

1 comment:

sparc77 said...

"It is well, it is well, with my soul."

Sometimes it is easier to sing it than to do it. That's when it is time to "lean on the everlasting arms".