Friday, December 4, 2009

Tis The Season?

twinkle lights

Hannah says I hate the holidays; she has said this for years. This is not a completely true statement, but there is some truth buried in it.
It is difficult to admit there are some deep issues that make the holiday season less than 'bright' for me.

I do love the greening of the church, which we don't have right now. It was always such a sweet time for me. I also love the last service before Christmas; oh, what a holy, quite time. Being with those you love and thinking about the night our Savior was born is just special.

I love providing gifts for our local crisis center. There are many families in our area that have little and they depend on this center for gifts for their children. To read these kids letters is amazing, many just ask for basic necessities; things we take for granted. It is humbling and heart-warming. Some children will ask for things for their parents and for things for their family.

What I struggle with is not having extended family to be with. Don't get me wrong, I am so thankful for my husband and three children. But, my children have not had grandparents, aunts or uncles to see and visit. When everyone else is trying to fit in all their visits and dinners in December, we are not. When people are looking at their calendars trying to see what they have open, I don't have to, mine is free and clear.

I am a family person, but I am an only child. I wanted to have grandparents around to spoil my kids, but that wasn't to be. I wanted aunts and uncles to pick up the slack when we couldn't, that didn't happen either. Everything has rested firmly on our shoulders, no one to help with gifts, dinners, etc.

Don't get me wrong, I am not trying to spin a sad story to garner sympathy. I am just writing out what I have been trying to deal with the last few days; why my oldest child thinks I hate the holidays and why I find myself wishing they would be over.

I love the lights on the tree, planning special, thoughtful gifts for others. What I miss is someone loving my children like I do; wanting to be with them because they are so special to them. What I hate is them not having family that they can't wait to see.

Now, I have to take all of this and lay it at Jesus' feet; all the self-pity, sadness and disappointment. It ain't about me...

They who sow in tears shall reap in joy and singing. Psalm 126:5

No comments: