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After my 'brush with mortality' last month I have begun to notice little things that are different. They have come to me in small, quite ways, which I believe is just my Savior gently showing me new insights into my reliance on Him.
As I had wrote in an earlier blog post, I did not have regrets to go over, things I wished I had done or anything left really unsaid. The entire time was one of peace, a divine peace. I didn't have to re-prioritize my life once I was discharged from the hospital. Haven't even made a bucket list.
One thing that came just over the weekend was a softening of my heart toward the organized church. Those of you that know me, know I have been in church all of my life and have served as a lay leader most of my adult life. Ministering has always been apart of who I am until a year ago. After some very difficult incidents and situations, we found ourselves unchurched.
During the year prior to this, I had struggled with the organized church and its committees, controlling members and a lack of God's word being preached clearly and definitively.
I say all this to tell you that God has worked afresh in my heart. He has softened it again and I feel renewed. I don't know what He would have me do, but I am ready. I know this is an answer to prayer for my sweet husband.
As I wrote in the children's journals the other day the verse about how our days are already numbered and ordained came to me.(All the days ordained for me were written in Your book before one of them ever came to pass Ps. 139:16.) It gave me pause to consider what I had gone through in October. I believe that God is sovereign, nothing in my life is by accident. What I experienced was just a physical thing, some may call it a 'brush with death'; I see it as an opportunity to be a witness before men. It wasn't my appointed time to die. It was just a thing; we are human and our flesh fails us.
I know that I will continue to get sweet tidbits from God here and there. I welcome the opportunity to share my story when led to show how incredible the God I serve truly is. We, as a family, still rejoice at how God's hand was on every part of that short journey from October 8 - 16; not just in the outcome, but in the people we met, the dr. I had, the caring Hannah experienced from strangers, the prayers that went up, the joy we experienced in the mist of a potential bad outcome.
Hebrews 10:23
